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Marketing Academy.

How to create a WPA, Worst Possible Advertising (by F. Galvani)

In my constant fight in favor of science and ethics in Marketing, against the fuffaguru and against companies that are not very correct in their promises to customers, it may happen that I am warned as a form of preventive censorship. To be honest, I realized that I am sufficiently visible and effective against these scoundrels thanks to the money they give their lawyers to silence me.

To a large extent, money wasted. Worse: money that in truth goes to my personal benefit in qualifying myself as a person who seeks seriousness, science and ethics in marketing against a bunch of scoundrels without any morals.

Because if it is true that our legislation protects misleading advertising more than those who report it (sorry), very solid reasons are needed to keep someone quiet. We're in a democracy, baby! It's not enough that you feel defamed just because the truth was told to your face by a competent person. You must clearly show that this truth is false and that it has caused you harm. Best wishes.

Recently I received yet another warning from a company that felt threatened by my public analysis of one of its advertisements that was wrong from top to bottom in terms of marketing, absolutely questionable in terms of ethics (it literally insults those who do not is his client) and with false and dangerous proclamations for public health. I don't intend to analyze something fresh here (and now in the capable and amused hands of my lawyer), but the episode gave me an idea:

Why not write an article listing all the SCIENTIFICALLY wrong things that companies can do in an advertisement or marketing action in order to generate WPA? Worst Advertising Possible?

Why not? Why not do it? Don't we want to have fun?

Meme why not
Why not? Why not ruin our brand?

Welcome to the definitive guide to building your next communications eyesore.

Five rules to dominate the market with your WPA!

Rule 1: Be annoying to create the worst possible advertising

Advertising is a powerful tool for reaching customers, but it can also easily irritate them if not done right. Based on a recent search, here are 3 simple steps to make sure you create really boring and annoying ads:

1. Repeat the same ad over and over

One of the best ways to rile up your customers is to hammer them with the exact same ad over and over again. According to research, after 3 repetitions there is already a 40% chance< span style="color: rgb(19, 52, 59);"> that the ad is annoying. So make sure you show the same ad at least 3 or 4 times in a row to people. Even better if you can repeat it 10 or 20 times! You'll see that in a short time they won't be able to take it anymore.

2. Don't give customers a break

Another mistake to absolutely avoid is allowing pauses between one view and another of the same ad. Customers may fool themselves into thinking you're done pestering them, so it's important tohammer relentlessly with the same advertisement. Research has analyzed the impact of repeating the same ad over 1-2 days, so try to focus on this time frame. Show the same ad every hour, if not every half hour, for a couple of days. So you won't give him a break!

3. Force advertising on customers

Finally, another tip is to force your advertisements on customers, even when they don't want to know. Research shows that if people feel that advertising is beingforced upon them against their will< /span>, may react negatively and actively avoid information about the advertised product. So don't worry if your customers don't seem interested or are actively trying to avoid the your ads: continue to re-propose them with strength and insistence. Ignore any negative signals, such as clicks to close the ad or pages closed quickly. It keeps hammering away with the same ad over and over again.

Se< span style="color: rgb(19, 52, 59);"> follow these 3 simple steps, I'm sure that in a short time your customers will be so annoyed by your advertising that they will want to stay away from it as much as possible. And this is exactly the goal we want to achieve with the WPA, right?

Rule 2: Be manipulative and destroy future sales

Science is always on our side. Thanks to another studio, below are some tips on how to create advertising, especially digital, which in the long run will certainly destroy sales, although in the short term it seems to you that they increase them. In fact, always remember that the first way to create the Worst Possible Advertising is to look at the short-term ROAS of the campaign and not at the MER, i.e. the return on the real marketing investment (here is an article in which we talk about the substantial differences between these indicators< /span> and we face the typical errors of the gullible):

  1. Use messages that create pressure on customers. Phrases like "Only 3 pieces left at this price!" generate anxiety and can lead to compulsive purchasing, but also to many returns and dissatisfaction.

  2. He emphasizes the behavior of others too much. Messages like "99 people bought this product in the last 24 hours" they can influence some customers, but also irritate many others.

  3. Never reassure the customer. Avoid providing guarantees, detailed explanations or return options. So the customer will feel pressured to buy but will probably regret it later.

  4. Always show aggressive and invasive ads. Pop-up banners, auto-play videos and other forms of intrusive advertising can bring conversions in the short term but damage the brand image.

  5. Don't worry about user experience. Make the purchasing process complicated, with unclear steps and crashing pages. Even if someone buys, many others will give up and never come back.

  6. He exaggerates the irony à la "Fratelli Vanzina and make fun of a part of the population. It works perfectly, if you want to destroy the margin.

I hope these tips will help you create really annoying advertising campaigns, which in the long run will cause sales to collapse instead of increasing them. Good work!

Be elementary, banal, ignorant and proud of your limitedness. Insult with stereotypes, be rude, be ironic like Cinepanettone

Rule 3: Be immature and anxious beyond belief

Commercial and relationship pressures (such as asking for reviews) are recommended by every self-respecting fuffaguru. Let's see how to correctly apply their techniques to destroy our reputation:

  1. Ask for reviews too early, before the customer has tried the product, the probability of obtaining negative reviews increases. Customers need enough time to judge the product correctly before reviewing it. So: ask for a review now! What are you waiting for!

  2. Instant review reminders actually reduce the likelihood that customers leave a review. Delaying the request by 9-13 days increases the probability. Don't wait!

  3. Many people observe our responses to criticism on social media. According to science, if we react with humor and understanding, our image benefits. So my advice for an excellent WPA is: always take criticism on the personal , whether they are hard or not. Don't count to ten. Don't respond calmly and maturely. Do not explain your position clearly.

  4. Where possible, warn anyone who criticizes you through lawyers. Especially if he is competent and has objective reasons to do so. Never learn anything from anyone who shows you your flaws and what you're doing wrong. Learning is overrated! If the criticism has some truth, DO NOT admit it. By doing so you will transform a negative situation into a potential disaster, up to theStreisand effect< /u>.

  5. It is absolutely essential to make exaggerated, impossible, ridiculous promises. Spreading scientific lies and risks to public health or people's money. It is always necessary to exaggerate and never take responsibility for your statements. No big deal if this is at the antipodes of advertising self-discipline code. What do you care? These are things for losers.

Rule 4: Pedantically follow the gurus' nonsense

The basis of an exceptional WPA is to always follow the advice of gurus and of those who proclaim themselves the greatest marketing expert in the world without ever having studied marketing. This list is not intended to be exhaustive in any way, I refer you to my essay "How not to get scammed from the False Gurus (with an introduction by my friend Valerio Fioretti) for a mountain of fantastic rules and research on this matter, useful first of all for recognizing fuffaguru at the speed of light. But here we want the opposite: to follow their advice accurately.

Here are some:

  1. Abuse ellipses

  2. You make a mistake in the paragraph

  3. Make very long and horrendous landing pages, unreadable and with terrible graphics

  4. Never use negatives (even if they make a very strong thesis, but don't do it)

  5. Be conversational, always hustle

  6. Abuse stock phrases

  7. Exaggerate with pain points

  8. Do not use the subjunctive

  9. Use foul language not in a strategic and intelligent way (i.e. alternating it with lofty concepts to create irony and maximize rhetorical force). Be literal and asses at Bar Sport

  10. Always define yourself as very expert and number one without proof

  11. Insult your readers and followers

  12. Wrong accents and apostrophes

  13. Always pluralize English words in Italian (even if you write "ad", you write "ads")

  14. Reverse the "+" in numbers. That is, don't write "100k+" but "+ 100k"

  15. Never pay graphics professionals, ever, do everything in house

  16. Always overpay for marketing automation platforms and funnels even if they only make you lose money because there is no statistical significance in the sample of those who follow you

  17. Talk about MAGICAL METHOD, PROCESS, MYSTERIOUS TECHNIQUE invented by you and which will change everything

  18. Submit video reviews to all your customers in exchange for discounts. They are never enough!

  19. Do 800 hour webinars. After all, quality customers with money have a lot of time to waste. Oh no

  20. Reviews always from inexperienced people, please

Mistakes on the blackboard
Getting everything wrong is fundamental. Following the worst of the worst advice is definitely the most important thing in the world!

Rule 5: The Misunderstood Art of the Wrong Colors

Are you tired of seeing attractive, well-designed ads? Are you tired of brands that strive to create a positive and appealing image? You are in the right place! Here we will teach you how to create horrible, wrong, brand- and sales-ruining ads. Starting from doing the exact opposite of what the great experts suggest:

1. Ignore the Meaning of Colors

Research has shown that colors can influence consumers' emotions and purchasing decisions. For example, red is often associated with energy and action, while blue can evoke feelings of trust and security. But who needs this nonsense? To create a truly horrible ad, choose colors at random. Better yet, use colors that clash with each other for a truly unpleasant effect.

2. Abuses Neon Colors

Neon colors can be effective when used in moderation, but why limit yourself? For a truly horrible ad, use only neon colors. Not only will they be annoying to the eyes, but they will also make it difficult to read any text on your advertisement.

3. Ignore the Target Audience

Research suggests that different demographic groups may respond differently to colors. For example, pastel tones may be more attractive to a female audience, while darker tones may be preferred by a male audience. But why bother with these niceties? Completely ignore your target audience and choose the colors they hate the most.

4. Choose Colors That Don't Represent Your Brand

Colors can be a powerful branding tool. They can help create awareness and communicate your brand values. But if your goal is to create a WPA, choose colors that have nothing to do with your brand. Better yet, choose colors that communicate exactly the opposite of what your brand represents.

How to save yourself

Here we laughed and made fun of the mountain of brands that, thinking they are smarter and more capable than others, they ruin themselves completely. At the beginning it seems rosy, but in the long run the value of the brand deteriorates, sales collapse (after the margins) and the constant talking to each other and shouting that one is a winner increasingly hides a metastasis now in its final stage.

In this article you have found many sources of high value, scientific or great experts. Instead of ignoring them, why don't you start respecting them?

Now you have a choice: continue on this path, working terribly, insulting customers, not caring about ethics and quality, and distrusting or getting angry with those who criticize you and give you tools to grow, or get on the right path.

If you intend to follow the second direction, we can have a chat< /u>. It is no coincidence that Deep Marketing has managed to attract the esteem of very large brands, simply by limiting itself to working with attention, seriousness, love and dedication to marketing and scientific evidence. In my agency we respect clients and their clients. We respect ethics and work with our heads down without tricks, shortcuts and without behaving like street smarts.

We usually like people who look like us. So I hope you enjoyed this article!

A thought for a dear friend

While I was writing these lines, I thought a lot about my dear friend and great marketing professional Andrea Doro. Among the first Italians to have had the courage to fight like a hero and a warrior of other times, the scammers, the fuffaguru, the cursed people of marketing protected by a legislation insensitive to customers, the poor agencies, the famous incompetents who ruin so many companies. Andrea is no longer with us, his passing was tragic, and his memory was even tarnished by a guru. When I think about it, an anger that is difficult to describe rises from my stomach.

But it motivates me. Think back to his famous phrase "Frank, I have a mountain of warnings at home, I look at them and laugh!" it's all I need to feel at home, close to what was a legend.

For him too, I continue my battle and my effort, knowing full well that Andrea's energy and sense of justice will always be unattainable for all of us. At least for me.

Andrea Doro
Andrea, the first and indomitable Italian anti-fucker


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